If Charlie Crist told the truth…

I got a fundraising e-mail from Charlie Crist the other day. It was a pretty good hoot the way Charlie “have it two ways” Crist is trying to paint himself as a Conservative. But hey, he’s starting to show some bravado – he’s even got the nerve to quote Ronald Reagan!

His recent fundraising letter would look like this

By Chris Ingram

I got a fundraising e-mail from Charlie Crist the other day. It was a pretty good hoot the way Charlie “have it two ways” Crist is trying to paint himself as a Conservative. But hey, he’s starting to show some bravado – he’s even got the nerve to quote Ronald Reagan!

Each paragraph of Chuckles’ original letter is shown below along with my version of what his letter would read like if he were to tell the truth.

What it should have said is in italics:

Dear Friends,

The fundraising quarter is coming to a close and there are just 9 hours left to join the winning team. I am working hard to raise the resources necessary to earn the privilege of representing the people of Florida in Washington, DC, and I humbly ask you to join us by supporting the Crist for Senate campaign. You can visit Charlie Crist.com right now to make a contribution of $10, $25, $50 or even $100 – whatever you can afford. 
Dear Fools and Idiots:

There isn’t much time left for me to continuously and shamelessly shake-down voters across this mess of a state. I’ve worked so hard raising money I almost forgot I am supposed to be the governor! Why I’m so darned shameless, I even had a huge fundraiser on September 11th. Victims, shmictims — I’ve got a campaign to fund. Send me some money now and I’ll think about doing something ‘touchy feely’ on the tenth anniversary when the media is really focusing on it. Next year is an election year, so it’ll have to wait until 10. I know times are hard, but tap into your kids’ college fund if you have to, this campaign is going to cost a lot of coin.
As the debate over health care, national defense and our growing deficit rages on in our nation’s capital this week, I know that Floridians are worried about getting their kids to school, keeping their jobs, and paying their property taxes and homeowner’s insurance. The people aren’t looking for big government programs to solve their problems; they’re looking for committed public servants who support policies that keep government out of our lives and more importantly out of our bank accounts.

Now I know I’ve made a mess out of the state’s property tax system, and I pretty much dropped the ball on fixing the state’s homeowner’s insurance crisis, but hey, it doesn’t affect me – I don’t even own a home! As for health care and defense, when I get to D.C. I’ll pretty much do whatever the big-shot party bosses and lobbyists tell me I need to do to continue receiving their support. That’s how it works. As for the deficit, remember, your kids can thank me for adding nearly $1 Trillion to the federal debt when I went along with Obama’s “stimulus package.”  Good luck paying that back without a huge tax increase! And let me say this if you’ve lost your job: Quit complaining and send me money. I’m a big government liberal in a slick Republican’s suit. If you like entitlement programs paid for by future generations, I am your guy. So stop looking for a job and vote Charlie Crist! I’m going to take care of you. Now that’s a committed public servant!
Floridians aren’t looking for President Obama, Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid to create more red tape disguised as success. Floridians are looking for leaders who understand that less is more. Less government, lower taxes and reduced spending means new businesses, added jobs, and more money left in the pockets of hardworking families across our nation. 
Floridians aren’t looking for Obama, Pelosi, or other Democrats to create red tape disguised as success – they’ve got me! Just dangle some campaign dollars in front of my face and I’ll find you a government program you’ll just love. Floridians are looking for leaders who understand less is more. Less leadership, fewer principles, less Conservative, and less planning for the future. In short, in voting for me, you’ll get someone who will leave a legacy your kids will have to clean up and fix. Now that’s less than what you bargained for!

As Ronald Reagan said, “Government is not the answer. Government is the problem.” I know that Washington needs common sense problem solvers who look beyond bureaucracy and blame and instead seek meaningful solutions to challenges facing our nation. Through Amendment 1, Cover Florida, and countless other real-world solutions, we’ve seen success here in Florida. Now we have a chance to show Washington how it’s done! Please visit CharlieCrist.com and help us reach our fundraising goal by contributing $10, $25, $50 or even $100 today.

As Ronald Reagan said, “Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.” I know that I have what it takes to “keep the ___ rolling out of Washington” – if you know what I mean ;). In short, I need you to send me some money so I can go to Washington. I know I’ll fit right in!


Chuckles the Clown
Aka: Governor Charlie Crist

Chris Ingram is the president and founder of 411 Communications a corporate and political communications firm, and publisher of www.IrreverentView.com. Ingram is a frequent pundit on Fox News and CNN, and has written opinion columns for the Washington Times, UPI, Front Page Florida, and National Review online. E-mail him at: Chris@411Communications.net.

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4 thoughts on “If Charlie Crist told the truth…”

  1. Comment by email:

    From: Nancy4RE@(redacted)
    Sent: Friday, October 02, 2009 11:52 AM
    To: Chris@irreverentview.com
    Subject: remove

    Go Charlie!!! Oh and please take me off your list for emails. Shame on you.


    And my reply:

    Shame on me? How about shame on Charlie.

    Sorry diversity of thought is such a challenge for you. It’s people like you who live their lives with blinders on that puts us in the mess our state and nation are in today.

    You have been removed.



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