In the basement with Rick Scott

Scott: I don’t like the media. Bunch of sissy journalists! They’ve never run a business and don’t know how to do anything but write words. Let’s cut funding for journalism schools. Florida is the best place in the entire world, and I’m the governor of that place in the world. Why don’t they ever write that?

By Chris Ingram

The Tampa Tribune

Published Saturday, September 29, 2012

Political Satire

At his beachfront mansion in Naples, the doorbell rings as Gov. Rick Scott anxiously awaits the arrival of his top political adviser. A servant opens the door as Scott stands in the foyer.

Scott: You’re seven minutes late. You’ve got to learn to be on time. Let’s go down to the basement and plan my re-election strategy.

Adviser: Your house on the beach has a basement?

Scott: Bunker, really. It’s where I keep all my firearms in preparation for civil unrest, and it’s where I have secret cabinet meetings. We had to dig up a bunch of sea turtle nests in the middle of the night before the enviro whackos realized they were there, or I would’ve never gotten the permits to build this place.

Adviser: Really?

Scott: Yes. Now forget about that. How, uh, am I, uh, going to get re-elected?

Adviser: The easy answer is: Continue reading “In the basement with Rick Scott”

If Google buys GM …

I then realized my phone was no longer syncing with my desktop computer’s calendar or contacts the way it used to. I called Verizon, which referred me to Motorola. It took a third-level escalation specialist to tell me, “Ice Cream Sandwich no longer supports syncing of contacts and calendar.” When I asked, “Why not? That’s what I bought this phone to do!,” all the nicely scripted specialist could tell me was, “It just doesn’t support that function any longer.”

By Chris Ingram

The Tampa Tribune

Published Saturday, September 18, 2012

Earlier this year I upgraded my mobile phone to a new Droid Razr Maxx by Motorola because my previous two-year-“old” phone kept crashing.

My provider, Verizon, was more than happy to see me, as by the time I left the store with the phone, new chargers and other overpriced accessories I was out over $400.

I mostly need a phone to make phone calls, as I actually enjoy talking to people as opposed to texting. I also need it to check email and maintain contacts and a calendar by syncing with Outlook on my desktop computer.

The Razr Maxx was highly recommended by experts and in online consumer forums. The phone comes with lots of options that make it a neat toy, but my purpose in selecting the phone was for its utilitarian offerings.

For seven months, the phone worked great. Then about six weeks ago, I accepted an “update” to the software that runs the phone. The new update was cutely called “Ice Cream Sandwich” by Motorola. They should have called it “soup sandwich” because it was Continue reading “If Google buys GM …”

Short on minority outreach

Nationwide, GOP efforts at minority outreach tend to fall flat. The party’s idea of grassroots outreach usually means sending out press releases touting their efforts which usually amount to occasionally hiring a black or Hispanic to go into those respective communities to recruit voters. The GOP’s paltry attempts bear little fruit because all they are doing is watering the lawn when what they need to do is irrigate the field and cover it with a heavy dose of fertilizer.

By Chris Ingram

The Tampa Tribune

Published Saturday, September 8, 2012

At the Republican National Convention in Tampa convention planners strived to fill the podium with minority speakers who would make the party’s case that the GOP represents their interests. By all accounts the effort from the podium was a success. But on the convention floor, the gathering of delegates looked more like a country club gathering of whites rather than an inclusive party made up of diverse racial and ethnic groups.

Black and Hispanic delegates were few and far between; the Washington Post reported that just 2 percent of GOP delegates at the RNC were “people of color” — compared to 40 percent at the DNC.

The Republican Party has a lot of work to do.

Nationwide, GOP efforts at minority outreach tend to fall flat. The party’s idea of grassroots outreach usually means sending out press releases touting their efforts which usually amount to occasionally hiring a black or Hispanic to go into those respective communities to recruit voters. The GOP’s paltry attempts bear little fruit because Continue reading “Short on minority outreach”