In the basement with Rick Scott

Scott: I don’t like the media. Bunch of sissy journalists! They’ve never run a business and don’t know how to do anything but write words. Let’s cut funding for journalism schools. Florida is the best place in the entire world, and I’m the governor of that place in the world. Why don’t they ever write that?

By Chris Ingram

The Tampa Tribune

Published Saturday, September 29, 2012

Political Satire

At his beachfront mansion in Naples, the doorbell rings as Gov. Rick Scott anxiously awaits the arrival of his top political adviser. A servant opens the door as Scott stands in the foyer.

Scott: You’re seven minutes late. You’ve got to learn to be on time. Let’s go down to the basement and plan my re-election strategy.

Adviser: Your house on the beach has a basement?

Scott: Bunker, really. It’s where I keep all my firearms in preparation for civil unrest, and it’s where I have secret cabinet meetings. We had to dig up a bunch of sea turtle nests in the middle of the night before the enviro whackos realized they were there, or I would’ve never gotten the permits to build this place.

Adviser: Really?

Scott: Yes. Now forget about that. How, uh, am I, uh, going to get re-elected?

Adviser: The easy answer is: Spend another $70 million.

Scott: I know that, but, uh, how do we get my poll numbers to improve?

Adviser: Governor, if I can be so bold, your poll numbers probably won’t improve until you start running campaign advertisements that tout your message, unfiltered through the lens of the media.

Scott: I don’t like the media. Bunch of sissy journalists! They’ve never run a business and don’t know how to do anything but write words. Let’s cut funding for journalism schools. Florida is the best place in the entire world, and I’m the governor of that place in the world. Why don’t they ever write that?  Click here to contine reading from The Tampa Tribune.

 

Chris Ingram is the president and founder of 411 Communications a corporate and political communications firm, and publisher of Irreverent View. Ingram is a frequent pundit on Fox News and CNN, and has written opinion columns for the Washington Times, UPI, and National Review online. He is the Republican political analyst for Bay News 9, the only 24 hour all news channel in Florida’s largest media market. The opinions expressed here are those of author and do not represent the views of Bay News 9. E-mail him at: Chris@IrreverentView.com.

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3 thoughts on “In the basement with Rick Scott”

  1. Chris-Excellent job of portraying the Scott situation. I happen to think he’s done a good job but nobody likes the guy. He is one of the strangest people I have ever met but I think he probably has a heart despite reports to the contrary. The Republicans hate Charlie so much that they will be motivated to defeat him. Should be be very interesting. Enjoy the weekend -GS

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