Gov. Scott set to resign today at noon

Florida Governor Rick Scott’s office announced the governor will hold a news conference today to inform the public that he be resigning effective immediatey.

Scott’s press spokesman Oliver Klozoff told the Tallahassee press corp that Scott, “wants more time to be with his family.”

By U. Ben Had

Florida Governor Rick Scott’s office announced the governor will hold a news conference today to inform the public that he will be resigning effective immediately.

Scott’s press spokesman Oliver Klozoff told the Tallahassee press corp that Scott, “wants more time to be with his family.”

However, another source indicated Scott plans to travel to Japan where he will undergo hair transplant surgery and intensive “personality reorganization” under the direction of famed psychiatric pioneer Dr. Yuri Nator.  The source said Scott was doing this to “become more human-like.”

When asked of this by the press, Klozoff confessed and told the truth.

Klozoff also indicated Scott would be back from Japan in time to run for governor again.

“This is just a temporary stop to getting Florida back to work. He has $70 more million so he will run again. The governor felt this was the right thing to do because campaigning is so much easier than running the state. He will have all of these improvements to finally make him appear to be human. And, since he is leaving office that means someone else will be governor and that will add to his list of new jobs created in Florida, for a total of twelve. This is a win-win for everyone,” Klozoff said before jumping into a lake with all of her clothes off.

Governor’s spokesman Oliver Klozoff jumps in lake after media avail.

 

5 thoughts on “Gov. Scott set to resign today at noon”

  1. Maybe this time if I make a PUBLIC request to be removed from your electronic wind bag bully pulpit you will do so.

    Is there no educated debate and dialogue you can promote ? It must be much easier to make yourself a Geraldo Springer Pierce Morgan than actually use your stage for intellectual discourse.

    Please remove me from your discussion – I do not want to hear your retort.

    Like

  2. Chris — thanks for keeping up a time-honored tradition!! So far yours is the only April Fool’s article I’ve seen, on any media outlet, which is a shame. Laughter is good for the soul, and a good spoof is a treat to read.

    Like

  3. Chris, if only that were true. Then Pam would be governor. I got excited and called Jason ans he told me it was April fools. You got me!

    Like

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