Democrats call for ban on…

Speaking from the floor of the House of Representatives on Thursday, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said she would introduce an immediate emergency ban of pressure cooker and slow cooker sales. Pelosi believes such a ban would be legal under Article 1, Section 8, Clause 3 of the United States Constitution.

By Chris Ingram

Satire

Retail stores nationwide reported a run on pressure cookers and slow cookers (Crock-Pots), following plans by congressional Democrats and the White House to ban sales of the small appliances following Monday’s tragic bombing in Boston in which pressure cookers were the weapon of choice. The FBI found remnants of a cooker they believe was filled with nails and packed with explosives. The bombing killed three people.

Speaking from the floor of the House of Representatives on Thursday, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said she would introduce an immediate emergency ban of pressure cooker and slow cooker sales. Pelosi believes such a ban would be legal under Article 1, Section 8, Clause 3 of the United States Constitution.

“The Commerce Clause provides wide latitude for the government to regulate dangerous weapons such as these. We are working with Senate Democrats and the president to ensure these weapons of civil destruction don’t end up in the wrong hands,” Pelosi said.

As he took a drag on a cigarette while walking into a tanning salon on Capitol Hill, House Speaker John Boehner mused, “Pressure cookers and Crock-Pots don’t kill people, people kill people.”

A senior Obama administration official said the president is prepared to go even further than Pelosi. Speaking on the condition of anonymity because if the proposal backfires the president wants to be able to say he didn’t support it, the spokesman said the administration will ask for registration of all pressure cookers and slow-cookers with the FBI.

The Democrats’ latest target: your kitchen appliances.

The spokesman also said the president would seek to restrict the purchase of nails to no more than one nail per person per day. On that measure, he said the administration may seek a special waiver for those who can prove they work in the construction industry so that they would be able to purchase three to five nails per day depending on the number of years of experience they had. Those workers would also be required to take a mandatory class on the history and purpose of nails, and instruction on their safe and proper use.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid called for even more restrictions than the White House. Reid’s office said he would introduce legislation requiring owners of small cookers to take an advanced culinary class, as well as putting a limit on the pot size of cookers to a size not to exceed 7.5 ounces.

Upon hearing of the Democrats’ proposals, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said, “The president’s plan shows how out of touch and in need of mental counseling everyone in the Democratic party is – it’s not just that crazy actress who needs a shrink.”

“And don’t they realize no one who uses a pressure cooker or a slow cooker has any interest in taking a culinary class? Don’t they understand that limiting the size of Crock-Pots to 7.5 ounces would mean you couldn’t slow-cook a single carrot?” McConnell asked incredulously.

The Small Appliance Manufacturer’s Society (SAMS) issued a press release attacking the Democrat’s plan.

“The government wants to ban pressure and slow cookers today, but what’s next? It’ll be your George Foreman Grill tomorrow and your popcorn maker next week. Before you know it, the government will ban your stove and your refrigerator,” said Anita Bath, president of SAMS.

White House press secretary, Igetcha Nau, responded to SAMS’ suggestions by saying they were, “…inappropriate in the wake of this week’s tragedy in which three people died at the hands of a loaded pressure cooker.”

Republicans believe the Democrat’s plan to ban cookers will be a winner for the GOP on Election Day.

“Go ahead. Make our day. If the Democrats ban Crock-Pots, we win NASCAR dads, soccer moms, and Wal-Mart shoppers by probably 70 percent in November 2014,” said Haywood U. Kuddleme, spokesperson for the Republican National Committee.

 

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Chris Ingram is the president and founder of 411 Communications a corporate and political communications firm, and publisher of Irreverent View. Ingram is a frequent pundit on Fox News and CNN, and has written opinion columns for the Washington Times, UPI, and National Review online. He is the Republican political analyst for Bay News 9, the only 24 hour all news channel in Florida’s largest media market. The opinions expressed here are those of author and do not represent the views of Bay News 9. E-mail him atChris@IrreverentView.com.

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