Breaking: FBI raids Hillsborough County Commission Offices

Three commissioners arrested by FBI

By: Dub L. Entendre

Reminiscent of a previous raid thirty years ago, the Federal Bureau of Investigations raided the offices of three undisclosed members of the Hillsborough County Commission today.

fbi raid
Photo: Agents raid government center.

Stunned citizens and county government employees were shocked by the scene of armed agents entering One County Center around 1:30 p.m. today. The agents arrested three commissioners and a number of staffers, and later removed hundreds of boxes and several computers from the building.

“It was like a scene out of a movie, I tell you,” Ben Had, a witness to the raid said.

The three commissioners whose offices were raided were arrested and escorted out of the building.

“All of them appeared to be male. I don’t think Commissioner Murman was one of those arrested, as they all were wearing cheap JC Penney brand type shoes and all had their heads covered by their suit jackets,” said Richard Cranium, a witness, in referring to Commissioner Sandy Murman, the lone female on the seven-member board.

According to the FBI, the arrested commissioners were taken to an undisclosed location near Guantanamo Bay, Cuba leaving all the dumb legal experts to believe the three commissioners are being investigated for terrorist activities.

“I’m pretty sure Mark Sharpe was among them. I think he’s been working with the Taliban to take over the world and force everyone to take public transport and use those stupid CFL light bulbs that aren’t that bright,” said erstwhile citizen activist, Shanda Lear.

“They have been removed from the country for security reasons. We expect they will all sing like canaries under questioning from our investigators,” said FBI spokesperson Carrie Oakey.

FBI field director Joe King, added, “This is not a laughing matter.”